Spread Some Holiday Cheer With These
Funny Christmas Sayings!

funny christmas sayings

Spread some Christmas Cheer! Entertain your family and friends with these funny Christmas sayings.

Read them to your family, or write them in your Christmas cards - show off your great sense of humor!

Funny Christmas Sayings

* Mom, Can I have a dog for Christmas?
No, you can have turkey like everyone else.

* Forget my past, but remember my present.

* Tempers can become a little frayed at Christmas. Outside, carollers sing about peace on earth, but unfortunately they don't mention the family room.

* Christmas has a curious way of putting us into a state of suspended animation for its duration. Most people are snapped back into reality only with the arrival of the January bank statement.

* What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted snowflakes!

* Some see Christmas as a time when children tell Santa Claus what they want and their parents have to pay for it.

* Each year, Christmas becomes a race to see which gives out first- your money or your goodwill.

* I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

* "That's what it's always been about! Gifts, gifts, gifts... Look, I don't wanna make waves, but this whole Christmas season is stupid, stupid, stupid!" Jim Carrey as the Grinch in How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

* In suggesting gifts: Money is appropriate, and one size fits all. - William Randolph Hearst

* Who beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake? TARZIPAN!

* The bad boys are all lining up, hoping to catch a glimpse of Santa's list - of all the naughty girls!

* Did you know that the cure for being stressed is in the word itself - just spelled backwards! STRESSED backwards = DESSERT!

* Christmas in your heart creates frequent attacks of smiling.

* Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Mary who?
Mary Christmas!

* The human traditions of Christmas are not holy commandments. If God was against our partying, He would never have turned the water into wine.

* The best thing to put into any Christmas dinner is your teeth!

* Roses are reddish, violets are bluish. If it weren't for Christmas, we'd all be Jewish. Benny Hill

* Merry Christmas, nearly everyone! - Ogden Nash

* Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven. W.C. Fields

* What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? - Claustrophobic

* For some, all they want for Christmas is the day after it!

* Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

* Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Yule who?
Yule find out faster if you open the door!

* I played Santa Claus many times, and if you don't believe it, check out the divorce settlements awarded my wives. Groucho Marx

* Why does Santa Claus have three gardens? So he can hoe, hoe, hoe!

* How many Chimneys does Santa Claus go down? Stacks!

* Why does Santa always go down the chimney? Because it soots him!

* What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride? A "Holly" Davidson

* Who delivers Christmas presents to dogs? Santa Paws

* What do you call someone who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Clause!

* I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note saying, toys not included. Bernard Manning

* What do Eskimos use to hold their homes together? Ig-glue!

Hope you and yours enjoy these Funny Christmas Sayings!

And feel free to post below any other funny Christmas Sayings that you know!

Know any Funny Christmas Sayings or Jokes?

We all love to laugh and smile - so spread some cheer and share!

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